Teh Xiggeh


More crazy UK stories

Posted in Funny Stories by Xiggeh on August 9, 2006

Just when we thought the world had gone mad enough…

Street Wars

Have you heard of Street Wars yet? If not, check it out – they have to hunt down other players in the city and squirt them with a water gun. It sounds like a great laugh, and if I had the time I would’ve taken part. But according to a news story players of Street Wars could face charges by police. Why? “water guns look real and could lead to armed police being deployed”.

How on Earth can a trained police officer mistake a flourescent yellow SuperSoaker water pistol for a lethal weapon? And if they did make that mistake, deploy armed officers, surround the poor wet chap and scare him shitless, exactly whos fault is that? Should the person with the SuperSoaker be charged for this? Or should police officers take the blame for spending thousands of pounds of tax payers’ money on a crazy false alarm?

Child Abuse

A booklet being handed out to school pupils across the country explains pupils “have the right to be protected from emotional or physical abuse”. Absolutely. “…such as cross-country running.” Woah, back up the bus. Cross-country running is child abuse? Now I admit I didn’t enjoy it at school, but I was the fat kid at the back, and no fat kid at the back enjoys it. But that’s what school is all about, non?

Firemen

A fireman’s job is never easy, but thanks to the wisdom of fire chiefs their job has been made that little bit safer. Yes indeed – they have banned the fireman’s pole because it poses a “health and safety hazard”. Apparently someone may slip off and hurt themselves, turn an ankle or receive chaffing to the hands or thighs. Uh huh.

But now firemen can respond to calls in a much safer fashion – six blokes running full-tilt down two flights of stairs.

Can u fix my PC pls?lolz!1

Posted in Funny Stories by Xiggeh on July 17, 2006

To cut a long story short, I drove my sister up to London today. She suddenly realised she couldn’t afford the petrol, and I don’t get paid until tomorrow, so I had to pretend I forgot my wallet at the petrol station. We got to London and, oh while I’m here, could I set up her new computer.

My normal rule is I don’t help with computer questions. If it’s a friend, I charge a small fee. If it’s family, it’s free. A new computer isn’t hard to set up, so I said sure. I should’ve learnt my lesson with clients, but what she actually meant was:

  • Copy all the files off her old 486
  • Copy all the files, e-mails and bookmarks off her old iMac
  • Remove all hardware, cables, etc (1.5 hrs, it was a mess!)
  • Setup a second-hand Dell machine
  • Remove all the adware and keyloggers
  • Install MS Office
  • Install a dial-up modem
  • Rewire the phones in the house
  • Pickup broadband kit from the Post Office
  • Uninstall dial-up modem
  • Install broadband kit
  • Rewire phones in the house
  • Setup a network
  • Install a printer
  • Test the printer
  • Order new cartridges

So the whole thing took 13 hours including driving. I didn’t get a cool drink, I got half a sandwich for lunch, and temperatures are approaching the 40s. I’m thrashed.

But my mate’s just cooked me dinner, I’m about to have a cold shower and several very cold lagers and retire for the day. Looks like I’ll be going back to work tomorrow for a holiday.

At least I don’t have to meet up with the family again until Christmas…

Unplug the keyboard …

Posted in Funny Stories by Xiggeh on July 14, 2006

A client phoned up a few weeks ago, she was having problems with her keyboard. Apparently anything she pressed had no effect. I asked her if it was plugged in properly to which she replied (rather annoyed) “Yes yes yes of course”. I thought the best way to check was to ask her to unplug the keyboard, and plug it back in firmly.

“It’s quite tough,” she said. “I can’t unplug the keyboard.”

“Pull a bit harder,” I said. “These things can get a bit stuck over time.”

“Oh I’ve managed it. Where do I put all the wires?”

When I sent an engineer over that afternoon, it turns out she pulled the wire out the back of the keyboard, instead of unplugging it from the PC. It’s a new one on me.